I Didn't Want To Die So Soon
by KuroDark
Summary: It's April Fool's day and everyone in the Akatsuki knows that all hell is going to break loose. However, they were severely underestimating things.
1. Prologue

Prologue:

Pein calmly observed the nine people in front of him. He did nothing but observe, yet several were squirming under the force of his gaze.

"Well?" he said icily after a few minutes. The other Akatsuki members remained silent. "Does someone want to explain to me just what happened here?"

Silence.

Pein sighed. "How did you manage to do this?" He gestured calmly behind him. The gazes of the Akatsuki members shifted from their leader to the smoking ruins of the headquarters behind him.

Tobi gulped loudly.

"Tobi, do you care to explain?"

"Well, Leader-sama, it happened like this…"

XxX

Tobi slowly woke and stared blearily at the ceiling. He could hear Zetsu's even breathing from the other side of the room.

"What's today?" whispered Tobi quietly to himself. He had the feeling that today was special in some way. It wasn't until three minutes later that Tobi remembered why. It was April Fool's Day, his favorite day of the year. He got to be annoying as he wanted, and no one could blame for having simply eaten too much sugar.

Tobi put his hands behind his head and smiled, thinking of the pranks he was going to pull.

xXx

When Kisame awoke, he had an unnerving feeling that today he would be visiting hell. This, not being the usual feeling one has when they wake up, worried him slightly.

"Itachi?" he said to his partner.

"What?" responded Itachi, turning to face him. Kisame stifled a laugh. Itachi's hair was absolutely ridiculous.

"What day is today?" he choked out.

Itachi glared at him, sure he was being laughed at, but not sure why, "April first, why?"

Kisame's good humor immediately faded and he stared sadly at the floor.

"Oh," he replied dejectedly.

"Why?" Itachi repeated.

"No reason. It's just….I didn't want to die so soon."

XxX

Hidan, as he did on most days, awoke with a swear.

Kakuzu, as he did on most days, awoke to a swear. This did not please him. He threw a kunai at Hidan.

This did not please Hidan. He swore again.

This aggravated Kakuzu. He threw another kunai.

This aggravated Hidan. He swore again.

"Shut up," roared Kakuzu.

Hidan swore.

Kakuzu tackled him.

Hidan screamed.

Kakuzu punched him.

There was a fight.

Fifteen minutes later, Kakuzu was sulking, Hidan was praying, and a nearby bird was scared out of its wits.

"What's the date?" growled Hidan.

"Why do you care? You're too stupid to know what it means."

Hidan gave him the finger.

"But if you must know, it's April first."

Hidan swore.

xXx

Zetsu was very calm when he woke. He had realized the night before what day it was going to be, and he had now resigned himself to a very painful existence. After all, he had been partnered with Tobi for quite some time, and knew perfectly well what the little bastard could do.

He sighed deeply and turned over, determined to get at least five more minutes of sleep before all hell broke loose.

XxX

Konan was annoyed. Very annoyed. Hidan and Kakuzu and their stupid fighting had woken her up, and she could not fall asleep again for anything. And Tobi would be her aunt before she got out of bed at seven.

She rolled on to her stomach and squished a pillow down on her head. She remained like this for several seconds before a thought occurred to her. A horrible, thought. A terrible, horrible thought.

It was April Fool's Day.

She began to cry.

xXx

Deidara was staring at the ceiling of the room he shared with Sasori, thinking vaguely of some of the more spectacular explosions he had created. A small smile graced his lips, as he pictured the things going up in flames.

After a long while of contemplating, he turned his head to look at the calendar beside his bed.

April first.

When Sasori awoke, not long later, he turned to find his partner in the strangest position. Deidara was staring straight up at the ceiling, his hands clutching desperately at the blankets pulled up his chin, his eyes huge, sweat dotting his brow, and his entire body quivering slightly.

"Uh…Deidara? You ok?" asked Sasori, mildly concerned for his partner's mental health.

Slowly, Deidara turned his head to face Sasori, his eyes still huge, the pupils barely larger than a pinprick.

"It's April Fool's Day," he whispered hoarsely.

Without being able to stop himself, Sasori felt his hands clutch at his blankets and pull them up to his chin, he gaze turned to the ceiling and his eyes grew wide, sweat dotted his brow, and his entire body began to quiver slightly.

XxX

Pein stood by his bed, peering out of a window. He watched as a flock of birds burst into the sky. There was no emotion on his face, but inside he was alternately terrified and relieved.

He was not an idiot, and he realized that because of the date, terrible things would be happening. Knowing Tobi's true identity, he was well aware of what the man could do. Pein would happily rather be locked in a room with hungry lion then be around Tobi on such a day. Thankfully, he was the leader, and therefore, could do whatever he wanted.

xXx

The Akatsuki members assembled themselves into the living room, having been called there by Pein.

"What the fuck do you want?" hissed Hidan, glaring at the leader. Pein glanced about to make sure everyone was listening and then smiled slightly. Very slightly. So slightly that the only person who noticed was Deidara, and that was because he happened to be sitting closest.

"I just wanted to inform you that I will be gone all of today on a mission. I also wanted to inform you that I will not tolerate any puerile behavior, understood?"

"The fuck's puerile mean?"

Pein sighed.

"It means childish, you idiot," Kakuzu snapped at his partner.

"Oh… Wait, who you calling an idiot, fucker?" asked Hidan, enraged.

Konan threw a paper plane at him. This had no effect except to ruin the plane. Pein used a more direct approach. He simply raised a hand and the two flew away from each other.

"Behavior such as this," Pein admonished them quietly.

Kakuzu immediately regained his composure and looked, for all the world, like he meant to be pinned to wall, five feet from the ground. Hidan glared at Pein and muttered a few choice cuss words, the only understandable one being 'shithead'.

Pein let him fall to the floor. He smirked when Hidan swore again and limped to the couch. Kakuzu simply stood and crossed his arms, remaining calm.

"Anyway, I just want this place to be standing when I get back. See to it that it is." And, with that, he left.

Famous last words.


	2. Kisame

Chapter One:

Tobi gleefully settled upon Kisame as his first victim. He stared at the large man, deciding what the best thing to do would be. As suddenly as being struck by lightning, the perfect idea came to him. He snickered.

XxX

Kisame stared after Pein with tears swimming in his eyes. How dare the man leave them today? How? Did he not care about them at all? He sniffled quietly.

Suddenly, he had the strangest feeling that he was being watched. He turned to find Tobi peering at him with a smile that could scare the devil, or maybe even Alucard. He quickly turned from this sight and decided to maybe go for a walk to get some fresh air.

Fifteen minutes later, Kisame strolled back in to the Akatsuki headquarters with the smallest of small smiles on his sharky face. The sight of twittering birds always calmed him, and now was no exception.

He was relieved to find no visible destruction, but he was still wary. It seemed that he was first on Tobi's list, and he was going to be on guard until he found the prank.

The day seemed to be passing very slowly. And, oddly enough, nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be happening. Maybe he was just imagining things. Maybe Tobi had finally matured and wasn't going to play any pranks this year.

Maybe pigs would fly.

As though on cue, Tobi strolled into the room.

"Hello, Kisame-san," he said brightly, heading to the kitchen.

Kisame stared at him with narrowed eyes, his body tense and ready to pounce. But Tobi did nothing but smile serenely and continue on his way.

This only increased Kisame's fear.

After quite some time, Kisame smelled something extremely unpleasant. It smelled like something rotting. He sniffed and wrinkled his nose. It seemed to be coming from the dorms.

After a moment's hesitation, he stood and headed over in the direction of the smell.

It was definitely coming from the dormitories.

He approached hesitantly. He looked down the corridor that all the rooms were in. Directly down the hall was his and Itachi's room. He stared at it, wondering what looked off. Then he realized that the door was closed. He had left it open this morning.

With extreme apprehension, he started forward. This was a mistake.

A few inches off the ground, was a trip wire. A trip wire that did exactly what it was intended.

With a huge crash, Kisame fell to the ground. But it didn't stop there. The second he hit the ground, he shot forward in a pool of oil.

The trip wire was still stuck around his foot and he couldn't reach back to untangle it. The further he slid, the further it stretched, the further down the handle to his room pulled down.

As he came within a few feet of the door, it swung open and he discovered the source of the disgusting smell. The room was completely full with rotting fish.

"AAAGGGGHHHH," he cried as the fish fell out the door and began smacking him on the head.

"HELP," he yowled, but to no avail. With a loud squish, he slid directly into the huge mound of fish.

Tobi appeared at the door.

"Oh, that sucks. Hope you like fish," he remarked casually.

And with the world's evilest grin, he shut and locked the door.

"NOOOO!"

A/N: I'm hoping for this story to go pretty quickly. All of the chapters are going to be quite short, as it will be one prank per chapter. Also, many of the ideas that I will be using I got from the MTV show Pranked. Anyway, hope you enjoyed Kisame's demise. Poor man.


	3. Itachi

Chapter Two:

Itachi found himself being only mildly fazed by this whole April fool's thing. He was of the opinion that people severely exaggerated the horror of Tobi's pranks. After all, Tobi had never really harmed him in any way. Caused a few annoyances, maybe, but nothing too extreme. And so, he was supremely unconcerned about the situation in its entirety. Supreme like a taco.

Which only made things easier for Tobi.

xXx

It was a lesser known fact that Itachi was very fond of onigiri. So, when he went in the kitchen to get a snack and found a freshly made pile, of course he was going to eat one. Especially since there was no sign indicating that he couldn't.

Five minutes later, when his head was swimming and his stomach was tied in knots, he remembered that Tobi knew of his love for onigiri. He shook his head sadly and went to the medicine cabinet to find something to make him feel better.

He never made it.

xXx

Tobi watched Itachi stealthily to see when would be the best time to pounce. He knew it was the perfect moment when Itachi suddenly swayed and then collapsed on the floor in the most dignified way that one can collapse on the floor.

He crept up to the fallen man and nudged him with his toe. There was no reaction. Tobi smiled thinly and set to work.

xXx

Approximately an hour and a half later, Itachi woke up with a pounding headache. He groaned and screwed his eyes shut, attempting to block out the light. Gravely, he put a hand to his forehead and clutched it in agony. But something was off.

Slowly, he moved his hand up and onto his scalp. His heart literally stopped for a beat.

Itachi got up as quickly as possible and ran into the bathroom, throwing on the light. For a second he was daunted by the red spray paint everywhere saying obscene things about Sasuke, but he quickly got over it and ran to the mirror.

With a shaky hand, he ran his long fingers over his scalp again. This couldn't be.

Itachi shook his head, and then reached under the sink to pull out a small handheld mirror. He held it behind his head and gazed at his reflection.

He might have almost forgiven Tobi for giving him a buzzcut, if it hadn't had been for the fact that he also decided to shave 'SASGAY SUKS MAH BALLZ" in curly letters on the back of his head.

For a long moment he just stared. And then, without a single change in expression, he shattered the glass with a punch, leaving streaks of blood smeared on the wall.

From the living room, Tobi heard this and smiled quietly to himself.

A/N: Please excuse the supreme like a taco thing, I honest to God couldn't resist. I came up with that when I was in a crackfest mood and now I think of it every time I hear the word supreme. It's a curse.


	4. Hidan

Chapter Three:

Almost no one knew this, but Hidan absolutely hated spiders. He wasn't afraid of them per se, he just thought they were disgusting with their numerous legs and beady eyes and hairy, low-slung bodies. Unfortunately, one of the people who knew of this was Deidara. And even more unfortunately, Deidara had once informed Tobi when drunk and in a pissy mood.

So, now, Tobi knew of the fact that Hidan had an intense hatred for spiders. And, as everyone knows, no good comes out of Tobi knowing anything.

xXx

Hidan was panting slightly as he finished his three thousandth pushup. He was proud of himself. That was three more than yesterday.

He stood and walked over to a mirror, flexing and admiring his perfect body. It took a lot of hard work to get abs like he had.

"Luscious," he thought, smirking at himself. However, as perfect as he looked, he was still drenched in sweat and needed to take a shower and, so he went back to the bathroom, undressed (the rest of the way) and got into said shower.

For the first two minutes, it was a usual blissful wash. That was, until he tilted his head back to feel the warm water on his face and felt something that was definitely not water hit him.

Startled, he opened his eyes. Which turned out to be a mistake, as this allowed him to see the huge tangle of daddy long-legs hanging on the ceiling right above his head.

He promptly screamed and ripped open the shower door so that he might escape. However, this he was unable to do as, when he opened the door, he discovered that the entire bathroom was black with a writhing mass of spiders. They were squirming and crawling all over each other. Every square inch was thick with the arachnids.

He had stopped screaming, but his breathing was hard and his eyes were wide.

"Fucking…hell…" he breathed, cowering against the back of the shower, where there were no spiders.

For a moment, he stood there, his spectacular muscles shaking slightly, staring at the mass. But he knew he couldn't stay there. He had to get out of this room before they migrated to his delicious body.

And so, he braced himself, and then ran forward, leaping over the edge of the bathtub and into the fray.

He yelped loudly as he took the three steps to get across the room, wincing as spiders squished under his feet and crawled up onto his ankles.

But he promptly fell silent as the horrible realization that Tobi was far eviler than he seemed came over him. Not only had he snuck into the room while Hidan was showering and filled it with thousands of spiders, but he had followed it up with locking the door.

"SOMEBODY HELP! OH FUCKING SHIT! PLEASE! OPEN THE DOOR! TOBI, YOU ASSHOLE!"

Tobi shook his head with a smile and continued working on his next prank.

A/N: I was shuddering as I wrote this. Seriously. You don't have to be scared of spiders to be disturbed by that situation. Poor, poor Hidan.


End file.
